“Hey, can you talk? I am struggling with something.”
“How can I help?”
“Sometimes, when we were together, I felt rejected. Was it because you were dealing with things yourself, or was it me?”
“We broke up years ago. Where is this coming from?”
“The feeling hasn’t gone away. I’m beginning to think it wasn’t you. I always feel rejected. Maybe it’s me.”
“It’s not you. It’s also not me. If you want to talk in detail, I can pause what I am doing, and we can talk.”
“I can’t talk right now. I’ll start crying. Is it okay if we text instead?”
“Go ahead, I’ll read.”
“Was there love between us? You can be honest.”
” For the longest part of our relationship, I thought I was going to marry you and stuff like that. I loved you very much. I know you loved me too.”
“I did—a lot. I have never been in love like that since. I suppose sometimes you can love each other a lot and have a great connection, but that doesn’t mean you’ll end up together. This must be very confusing for you right now, me saying stuff like this out of the blue, I am sorry.”
“It’s okay to want to understand yourself better. Don’t be sorry for seeking clarity.”
“I did too many drugs last night. I went through a hell of a comedown. Some deep-rooted emotions are coming out, it seems.”
“Remember when we met? You had come out of a relationship that you felt it closed you off. While you were with me, you began to come out into yourself again—all on your own. I had nothing to do with that. It’s always you, pumpkin. It has always been within you, and will always be within you.”
“What is?”
“Then why do I keep feeling like this?”
“Broken. Unworthy of love. Rejected.”
“It’s the human condition. It’s like that for all of us until we wake up. “
“Will I ever love again?”
“Love is timeless. It has no expectations and no conditions. It originates inward, and it’s ever-present. The problem is that we assign a bunch of attributes to love. In reality, love is simple and has nothing to do with our minds. You are never more in love or less in love. You are love. I paid a high price to learn that lesson, forgoing many things and people, including you. You probably feel that you are paying the price too, aren’t you? Many people have different words for it. Karma is one. In reality, it’s just the human condition. Feeling like you feel is okay.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Allow yourself to feel as you do, no matter the consequences, and continue to pull that threat and see where it leads you.”
“Really. But do it with kindness.”
“I don’t know how.”
“Unconditional love without attachments. It’s a big name for something very simple: allow yourself to just be.”
“Your words mean more right now than you can imagine. Thank you.”
“Can I remind you of something else?”
“When you come out of a rollercoaster, and you are no longer speeding at high altitudes, sometimes it can feel like you are still dropping. Some drugs have that effect too. Give it time. Soon you’ll realize you are not going down or losing yourself. You have only dropped from the artificial high. You are back on the same solid ground you were on before the ride. Not lower. You are okay, pumpkin.”
“You know it all, don’t you?”
“I know you.”